It’s Just a Game - Let It Be Fun

Games are meant to be fun. But who gets to define what “fun” really means?

We hear it all the time from coaches, parents, and even athletes: "It’s just a game, we’re here to have fun." But whose definition of fun are they talking about?

Sometimes we need to meet our kids where they're at.

All too often, as parents, we view our child’s world through an adult lens, or worse, through the lens of what was fun for us when we were kids. But do we really give our children the space to define fun for themselves?

More importantly, do we give them the freedom to decide what they want to get out of any experience, whether it’s sports, music lessons, school, or beyond?

Dr. Amanda Visek explored this very idea in her research on Fun Integration Theory (FIT). Based on input from youth athletes, parents, and coaches, she identified 11 core “fun-factors” that most influence kids’ enjoyment of sports. These include activities such as trying hard, receiving positive coaching, and spending time with friends.

Here’s how they break down:

The 11 Fun Factors

I love this picture. You could feel the joy of Rocco (left) and his lifelong friend, Oliver, as they celebrated the game-tying goal against the #1 team in the state.

• Trying Hard

• Positive Coaching

• Positive Team Dynamics

• Learning and Improving

• Games

• Practices

• Team Friendships

• Mental Bonuses

• Game Time Support

• Team Rituals

• Swag

  
  

Visek’s research goes even deeper, identifying 81 “fun-determinants,” specific actions, moments, and experiences that help bring these factors to life for kids.

What her work reminds us of is simple but often overlooked:

Fun is multi-dimensional. It’s personal. And it’s not for adults to define.

Our role isn’t to tell kids what should be fun; it’s to give them space and support as they figure that out on their own.

Letting Kids Define Their Own Fun and Values

“Trying harder is fun.”

Fun is what motivates kids to participate in sports. However, as they get older, fun takes on a different meaning for everyone.

Some kids love to compete. Some just want to be with friends. Some enjoy learning and improving. Some just want to be part of something. That’s all normal. But too often, adults step in and decide for them what’s supposed to be fun.

• “Winning is fun.”

• “Being the best is fun.”

That’s our version. It’s not necessarily theirs. And when we push those ideas on them, even subtly, they start to play for us, not for themselves.

That’s a problem.

When they lose ownership of the experience, they lose connection to the reasons they really love to play. That’s when kids start burning out or drifting away from sports altogether.

So, how can we fix that?

I asked Giovanni (on the left) if he remembered this game. All he could remember was how much fun they had getting muddy.

We give them space.

Ask questions instead of giving answers. Invite them to think about what matters to them:

• “What do you enjoy about playing xyz sport?”

• “What parts don’t you like?”

• “Do you still have fun playing?”

And then, most importantly, we listen. Without judgment. Without steering them toward what we think they should say.

Some kids will want to go all in. Some won’t. And that’s okay.

At the end of the day, sports should give kids something that belongs to them.

Not every child will love the same things. Not every child will want the same path. And that’s okay. That’s how it should be.

Our role isn’t to push them toward our version of fun or success. It’s to create space. To support. To ask questions and really listen to the answers, even when they surprise us.

When we do that, we help them build something far more important than a trophy case, we help them develop self-awareness, confidence, and a lasting passion for whatever their game is.

Let them define it. Let it be fun. Let it be theirs.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.