Let Your Child's Experience Be Theirs

Let Your Child's Experience Be Theirs

Kids need space to navigate their journeys on the field, in the classroom, and life. After years of coaching others' children, I assumed I'd naturally excel as a sports parent to Rocco and Gio. Yet, I've made my share of mistakes, and continue to learn.​

It was unreasonable of me to expect him to line up every putt. He was too young to really care about the results. I was too caught up in the competition, and I didn't realize it at the time.

Just yesterday, while gathering images for my last post, I came across photos of nine- or ten-year-old Rocco from a Junior Golf Club Championship that took place five or six years ago. He had a comfortable lead going into day two but began missing easy putts, which I interpreted as a lack of focus or care (at least, that's how my overthinking adult brain saw it). Flipping through those snapshots transported me back to the course and myself, pacing between holes, more than gently urging him to concentrate. I got angry, snapped at him for losing focus, lectured him on paying attention and course etiquette, and piled on the pressure. That wasn't coaching; it was my own competitive drive hijacking a moment that should have been his own.

Ultimately, Rocco lost his lead and finished second. But I believe a part of his love for the game diminished that day. I failed to recognize that he didn't necessarily care about the outcome; he just enjoyed being out there, on the course, playing a game.​

I turned his tournament into a personal contest, and in doing so, robbed him of the freedom to learn, fall, and rise on his own terms. Last night, as those memories resurfaced, I paused and looked at Rocco. "I blew it back then," I told him. "I'm sorry I put you under that kind of pressure." He readily acknowledged his memory of the day and stated that it had impacted him. I apologized again. In that quiet moment, I wanted to demonstrate the power of owning our mistakes and being accountable for our actions, and that, even as parents, we won't always get it right.​

That kitchen table moment wasn't just about golf; it was a reminder that our role is to allow our kids to be their own people and author their own stories. When we treat their passions as vessels for our unmet ambitions, we risk robbing them of the freedom that fuels confidence and joy.

This picture is representative of how I hope our kids remember their youth sports experience. The pure joy of playing a game and the connection to friends and community that comes with it.

Allowing their experience to be theirs means stepping back and giving them the freedom to explore their curiosity. It also means not fearing their failures but celebrating them as they are the foundation of growth.

This philosophy extends beyond sports. Whether it's a school project, attempting a new skateboard trick, or attempting a new skill on the soccer field, each experience allows them to explore, fail, and succeed on their own terms. By allowing them to take ownership of these moments, we empower them to build resilience and self-confidence.​ It's not about abandoning them to face challenges alone, but offering support while respecting their autonomy and offering

encouragement when they fail.

I hope this post resonates. Please share your thoughts and experiences.